Why self-dates are important regardless of your relationship status

Why self-dates are important regardless of your relationship status

In a world, that seems to be getting busier...


The thought of going out to anywhere fun alone use to fill me with dread.  How lonely and what a looser, I decided one time as I reluctantly bought a cinema ticket for one. No one I knew wanted to see Breakfast at Tiffiny’s on the big screen on a hot sunny day, but I did.

Sadly, instead of enjoying the experience, I just felt like the world was staring at me for daring to go out solo. In truth the only person that was judging me was myself.

Thankfully, I now enjoy my company. In fact, I feel like something is missing if I don’t get my weekly fix.  I love being with my partner, but I also know it enriches our relationship if we both also have self-dates.  The same is true when you are single. Self-dates don’t include going out with friends. When I say alone, I mean alone!

Let’s take a look at the benefits:

Self-dates help you to connect more with your inner flow.  By being present to what is going on around, our sense of freedom and self-expression quickly ripen life into a happier existence. As we learn to let go and enjoy our company, we feel more connected. Without having to please others with our choices, a day out doing the things we have always wanted, bungee jumps our self-esteem into a place of peace and contentment. How lovely!

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Know yourself so others can too.

What better way to get to know who you truly are than some time out alone? To start with you may not know what it is you like to do. Try starting by going to cafe or museum. How well do you know the amazing person that this you? Sadly so many of us don’t know what makes us happy, and consequently, we look to others to fill that void. When you know yourself well it helps other people to understand you too.

No more neediness.

I remember seeing a woman on holiday many years ago. Her partner was reading a book relaxing by the pool.  The woman looked bored and after a short time muttered something about it being okay for him, but she had nothing to do. We were in Italy surrounded by beautiful flower-filled gardens. To cut a long story short her partner gave up his book, and they went out shopping.

I saw them later in the town looking miserable over lunch. It’s nice to do things with loved ones, but you can’t expect them to complete you.

Another way the woman could have handled this would have been to give her the partner space to read his book for a while and done something she would like to do. Later when they met for lunch, they would have so much more to talk about, enjoying each other’s company without a sense of resentfulness or neediness. How refreshing!  Balance is the key.

Self-dates are good for creativity

My most inspiring ideas have happened to me on a self-date. Having the time to ponder instead of worry opens us up to the creative aspects of the world.  Try it!

Maybe, at first, it won’t feel natural to go on a self-date but with effort and commitment, it is worth the effort involved. So whether you have a spare half an hour or even half a day, use this time to nurture yourself and just watch how much you grow.

Happy dating!

Janey Bowyer
Janey Bowyer is trained Hatha and Kundalini yoga teacher, fiction author and self-help, yoga and holistic blogger! She runs the www.thewordsprite.com blog where she offers easy to follow holistic solutions to modern living. Her new book, The Busy Person's Guide to Modern Living is based on her blog is available for now on Amazon and in Kindle.

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