Why pizza is better than a boyfriend

Pizza is the food equivalent to an orgasm, once you put the first slice into your mouth, you simply want more. There’s a certain feeling of exhilaration that comes over me when I order pizza over the phone “It will be about 40 minutes” the local pizza delivery man announces in his thick accent as I excitedly hang up the phone, my hand trembling with anticipating at the thought of the succulent taste that will soon linger in my mouth, I almost feel emotionally aroused.

The next 40 minutes feel like an entire life time as I twiddle my thumbs in anticipation for the joyous sensation that will soon be inserted into my mouth. Just the thought of that thick crust and base topped with cheese and pineapple leaves me foaming and salivating at the mouth as I anxiously wish for time to move faster.

7:I0pm arrives, and the sound of the pizza delivery man’s motorbike from outside my house lifts me from my restlessness as I excitedly spring from my feet and dash down the stairs eager to get to the front door before he even gets a chance to ring the bell.

‘’Hello boss’’ he greets me with his familiar middle eastern accent in check and still with his motorbike helmet on as my hands extended out to take the delivery from his firm grips. I actually feel the warmth and magic radiating through the pizza box as I place it down beside me to pay for the bill. ‘’Take my money now’’ I subconsciously think to myself as I hand over the money for payment, probably the most eager I have ever been to give a complete and utter stranger my hard earned cash.

We both exchange pleasantries as I slam the door shut and make my way back into my domain that is my bedroom, now with Pizza box clutched in both hands like a prized possession.

I position myself comfortably on my bed as the delicate process begins. it’s almost like some kind of superstitious ritual deep rooted in tradition as I enthusiastically open the cardboard box perched in front of me like a religious fanatic would open the bible, with up most care, delicately and precise concentration.

And there it is in all its beauty and glory as the steam rises from the freshly baked dough. The luscious smell of the mouth-watering and alluring sight in front of my eyes enters my nostrils as I slowly begin to feel a sense of purpose, I want this thick and heavenly thing inside me now.

It’s like a spiritual awaking and I have been saved, hallelujah I proclaim as the holy ghost nudges me on to inhale and savour this glorious moment. Yearning and craving for this dazzling procession to be down my throat I no longer can wait. Taking the first slice and lifting it slowly from the pizza box, the cheese dripping over the edge of the pizza sticks to the cardboard box as I take one final look at the beauty that is now in my hand before closing my eyes and consuming.

Uplifting, elevated, heightened, it’s like a whole universe has exploded inside of my mouth, my world is spinning and my taste buds are reaching extraordinary heights as the everlasting taste melts into my mouth.

I am a proclaimed atheist but now even I am having my doubts, if there is a God he is currently residing inside my mouth. Emotionally satisfied and physically fulfilled this is the definition of a romantic love affair. I can honestly and truly say I have never been in as madly in love as I am now, for I am truly besotted.

However, It’s a feeling of unavoidable sadness and inevitable realisation that 12 pizza slices have now become 11, and even though I whole heatedly cherish the journey, when all is said and done I will be reluctantly looking at an empty pizza box, still yearning and longing for more.

It’s like mentally preparing yourself for a death of a loved one who is slowly dying, you know it’s going to happen so isn’t it better to grieve their loss now, so when they are gone the pain is less palpable?

Nothing in life is certain, however one thing that can be guaranteed is the love of a pizza. Whenever you are feeling down, lonely and need something warm to fill the cold void in your heart, pizza will always be there. Boyfriends will come and go, but the love of a pizza will always remain. Pizza will never cheat on you, pizza will never make you cry, and pizza will always remain loyal and faithful, in the bloated bowls of your belly.

Pizza is the one, pizza is love.