A quick guide to surviving a zombie apocalypse
Looking across the cafe room where I’m having a rather fantastic Latte I start to eye up other customers, judging their appearance and wondering how well they would react to a handful of zombies running at their faces. I plan my escape routes, possible weapons and barricades, then…I carry on sipping this heavenly cup of caffeine. Maybe I watch too much Walking Dead, who knows? But, just in case…
Have you ever imagined how long you would survive for in a zombie apocalypse? Who you would join forces with to stay alive? How you would physically and mentally cope?…Well, look no further because I have put together some basic tips for you to stay fit and focused for the apocalypse ahead.
GET CV FIT:
The first thing you are going to do when an outbreak occurs is move your backside into overdrive. You need to make sure you can out run the elderly, dog walkers, college kids etc because these are your first line of defence. If you can outrun the majority of the general public then well done my friend, you have just bought yourself some valuable time. So, how are we going to improve your cardiovascular abilities? Instead of driving everywhere, start to plan your journeys and really think to yourself “do I need to drive there?” remember fuel doesn’t last forever in a apocalyptic world so get pumped up to go the distance. There are some things zombies aren’t good at and that is walking at a fast pace up an incline. Any training you do on a treadmill, knock up those incline levels and feel the breath of those flesh eaters firmly fall back in the distance. Footwear is vital, make sure you have multi-terrain shoes because Primani specials aren’t going to last long under zombie escaping pressure, neither are those Kanye specials you bought off eBay. Do the research get some knowledge of good running shoe companies, put them away in a safe and secure place ready for the run of your life.
GET UPPER BODY FIT:
At some point in all this chaos you are going to run into one of our rotting friends, its inevitable, more people turn to the Z side than survive, so get those muscles pumping and get some Arnie strength behind you! Maybe just for 5 minutes put that console controller down and smash ten simple press ups out, do this every time you exit an online game or walk out of a room, you will be amazed how many you fit in during the day and before you know it you have Arms your Gran would approve of. Keep those hands active, too many times have we witnessed a potential zombie victim flapping their hands around to find a weapon while Mr.Rotto tries to eat their brains…your hands are your weapons in a last surviving effort. Turn this button bashing fingers into eye socket skewers, show that skin crawling creature who really owns the title of skull bashing. It’s good to be flexible, there is going to be times when you need to weave in and out between these brainless animals and potentially have to fling a few off your back. Make sure you stretch off correctly after every exercise and don’t leave training your back until the last minute.
GET MENTALLY FIT:
With each location you visit and new people you meet, you always need to be thinking one step ahead, so always keep your mind game on top form. During the day look around your environment, scope out exits and entries, what buildings would be safer compared to others. All these come together, look at your normal daily outings, some shops can be dangerous when there is normal folk wandering around never mind when they want a taste of your cheeks. Drink plenty of water, keep yourself hydrated and brain focused, the more water you take on board, the more your body and mind want to work for you. Get those greens in you while you can because nobody is going to be growing vegetable patches with the Zombie virus spreads. Stock up on vital vitamins, make sure you have enough to at least give you a better head start than that annoying neighbour of yours.
Like many others I have loved ones and friends that are disabled and some in a wheelchair. Don’t see this as a barrier to your survival, use it to your advantage. Make sure you know the ins and outs of the chair you are in, what interchangeable parts you can use and mist importantly, what weapons systems you can mount. You need to be the firepower of your group so keep on top of your intellect and command skills, this will be an advantage to you group to have an asset like yourself.
PEOPLE TO AVOID JOINING YOUR SURVIVAL TEAM:
Here are a few types of people I would avoid from joining your team, these individuals could cause a risk and be set backs to your goal of surviving and finding a “new hope”.
Any members of hate groups: These guys are going to be cannon fodder anyways, they always protest and stand around annoying people that are slightly different, so most of these will perish in the first wave due to lack of intelligence and determination to annoy and deport the Zombies back to “their own land”.
Certain politicians: These may come in handy as allies when escaping but if you do eventually find new, zombie free land, then these guys are going to make the economy eat itself quicker than the zombies did.
Santa, easter bunny and any other mystical calendar characters: These guys just stand out way too much.
I hope the above tips have given you some reassurance about your doubts you had about yourselves on this subject? Remember be strong, be intelligent, be Zombie fit.
Please click the link and enjoy this zombie dance off video…If you can’t do the above, give this ago. *Not advised by Zombie survival experts*